All my life I’ve felt like I was a square peg trying to fit into a circular hole. I was too mature for my age when I was younger, and now I’m not mature enough. I love being creative and trying new things. I love learning and challenging the norms… but I have also grown to be self-conscious of what I say or do. This could be due to all the bullying I went through in my early adolescene or being told by those around me that I’m too loud, too emotional, or too passionate about the things I learn or are interested in. I know it is up to me to not give a sh** but it’s hard when you have trained yourself to seek other peoples approval all these years.
So, for my 30th year on this planet called Earth, I am saying SCREW IT and doing what I want.
Why? ‘Cause playing by the rules others put before me has got me no where.
My parents wanted me to graduate university. I did and in turn couldn’t find a job in my field. So, I resulted in getting a job in office administration thanks to my summer experience. Society said I should get a house, a husband, and a dog. Well, I did find a man that loves me for me – which makes him crazier than I am or just as crazy as I am. We bought a house together and have two lovely cats – even though they wake me up at 4 a.m every morning. Society also said, you need a job to make money and work hard so you can retire one day… and this is what I did.
For seven years I was a good little office worker. I busted my butt day in and day out. I worked overtime. I overloaded my workload to make certain I was needed. I helped where I could and was friendly, professional and helpful… and you know what I got?
Yep, I worked my butt off and they still found a reason to make me redundant. I did everything I was told to do and be and still got the boot. Was I bitter? Yes. Am I still bitter? Sort of… but bitterness, like spite, is a great motivator. So, I’m using that bitterness to fuel my confidence to do what I want to do. After all, I’m a 30-year-old lady who’s jobless and confused – this leaves me with some options, right?
So, what is Confusiful?
It is the wonderful feeling of being in a constant state of confusion. I think the word sums out what I’ve been feeling for most of my life, since most of it was spent questioning things that appeared perfectly normal to other people. Being a person that thinks outside the box, in pictures, and speaks in half sentences because my mouth can’t keep up with my brain, this word is the perfect fit. It is due to this constant feeling of confusion and being misplaced that I have the drive to find out the reason ‘why’ for things. It’s why I trained to become a teacher, why I studied Reiki, and why I studied to be a Death Educator. Learning the reasons why and sharing that knowledge interests me. What also interests me are crafts.
Wood work, crochet, gardening, cooking, eco friendly living – these are all things that have come into my life again and again. Now that I have some time on my hands, while I find new employment, I’m going to explore these interests a little closer. Who knows – one of them might be my ‘thing’.
So, what is this site going to be about?
My musings, my reviews of certain products, and things I find funny about life. Let’s call this a lifestyle blog for the constantly confused… since that’s what I am and this is my life.
Hopefully in time this will grow to help others, and in the end – that’s all I could possibly hope for. 🙂